Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
