the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
