You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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