I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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