paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
