Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
