Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
