The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
