totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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