as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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