I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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