i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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