its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
