gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
