sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
