he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
