he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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