Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i was born a porn star she said
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
