I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
