I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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