hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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