tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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