just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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