Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
