yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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