I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
