She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
