Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
