"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
