They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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