I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just want nice things and good sex
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