Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
