I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
