the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Randomize
