I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
