oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
