What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
tell me about the eggs
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
