Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
