I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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