i love accidental penises.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
