I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
