Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
