Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
