If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
