i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
