i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
