I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
