Swine flu. Run for my life!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
