I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
