even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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