Are we in a gay sports bar?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
