You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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