At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
