your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Who died my cat blue again?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
